By Laurie Notaro
It’s the main wonderful–and such a lot dreadful–season of the 12 months, whilst packing containers of brownies assault your thighs, drunken vacation revelers remain long gone their welcome, and your grandmother has conniptions on the division shop over the cost of hand lotion. Welcome to Laurie Notaro’s Christmastime.
In ten brand-new tales and 3 formerly released favorites, Notaro stocks the sidesplitting day-by-day failures of the vacations, like discovering herself on emergency female product recon in the dark on Christmas Eve; surrendering to the inevitable terrible reward Parade via easily soliciting for vacation dish towels and sizeable white underpants from Sears; scuffling with the morons in line on the 7th Circle of Hell, another way often called the homemade craft shop; and attempting to reside down her recognition because the such a lot Unfun Christmas social gathering visitor Ever, because of an unlucky false impression regarding a faux overdose and emergency paramedics.
So no matter if you end up on the uninteresting and shrewdpermanent get together or the Raucous and silly celebration this vacation season, you’ll continuously comprehend the place to discover Laurie–just persist with the chocolate path over to the cheese platter. She’ll be the only dialing the law enforcement officials.
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Additional resources for An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List
The pleasure comes not from taking someone's although that is fun, too but from testing your memmoney ory and reflexes. You can learn a lot about a person by playing cards with him, and the people you enjoy knowing, you will enjoy more in a card game. We had other bets, some of them pretty funny. Charlie Osgood, whose office was next door, bet me $5 I couldn't eat chili for thirty days straight in the old Arcade Cafe. I won that bet. (Though they had good homemade chili, I almost threw up the last three days.
For instance, although I was a geologist, I realized that I did not have a geologist's temperament. Geologists generally have a tendency to be overly optimistic because of the nature of their business. You can get a string of dry holes that could destroy some guys, but you can't give up. You have to think that the next one is going to hit a big field for you. I am usually more conservative than people want to believe. In the oil patch I often saw enthusiasm that turned out to be misplaced, and I became leery of perpetual optimists.
Few extra riled dollars, so I but was not very tried to keep a I was glad straight face to it I was have the when he got over what he called bad cards. " he'd Tm ing the cards down. ask, throw- going fishing. would come back. He had a habit of jerking his pants up and stuffing in his shirt. "Get the cards," he'd say. We'd play another game and he would lose again. Once he got so mad he threw the deck out the window. "Now we'll see if you're gonna beat me again, he said. ' Sometimes I thought that if well-site work was going to be my future, I had better take up needlepoint as a pastime.
An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List by Laurie Notaro